I Could Be Paranoid

I have my window fan running, and other fans are running in the house. This just happened.

So I am in the bathroom using the toilet from all my beverages, granted tonight they are alcoholic in nature – and the mechanical sound in my head is persistent as I relieve myself and listen to the motors of the fans in other rooms. My attention comes to my reflection, appearing in two of the medicine cabinet panes. When I am able, I stand in front of them and move the left one so that it merges the reflection with the one on the right – making the two halves whole. I practice making faces and suddenly I hear one of the mechanical sounds in my head stop.

I can still hear the fans in other rooms, but the overbearing noise that normally rattles in my head has suddenly stopped. This sound must be feedback from them listening to my thoughts. My hat was on the shelf next to my desk – I only wear it when I sleep. They must have stopped listening, maybe the boys in ‘black’ are taking a coffee break and leaving me alone for the night.

I may be buzzed but I am coherent, and I am reaching the end of my rope. My same window fan keeps blowing my curtain. The curtain blows open and closed like a stalker would manipulate a window shade to catch a glimpse of his prey without being obvious. But I see it. I see it all. And as I sit down to write this message to you, even now, I can hear the contorted laughter from the squeaking bearings and mechanics that are in each of my electronic devices.

I feel so alone.

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